OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
