sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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