so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
