is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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