I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
