You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
