haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
