remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
