There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
