he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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