Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
