MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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