Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
