We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
