She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
