Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
