Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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