Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
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