You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They have beer where we have blood.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
