Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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