I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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