Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
too bad you live with your parents still
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
