you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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