i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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