How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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