I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
