apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
