is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
