woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
