If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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