Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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