So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
