Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
