he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
