oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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