I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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