last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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