I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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