Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I need moral support for this bender
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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