under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
