Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
