theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
