I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
