I never want to see another naked old woman again.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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