K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i believe in u and ur pee
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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