her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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