You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
