why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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