Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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