FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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